Are you a peng sort? A member of the Do Bits Society? Ready to crack on?
Yep, Love Island has returned, so it’s now totally legitimate to sit on the sofa every night with a tequila sunrise living vicariously through a bunch of good-looking huns in the sun searching for love (or at least a contract with a tooth-whitening brand). But while we won’t be judging this summer’s romantic hopefuls, we will be judging the villa’s interiors this year. Pour yourself a tequila sunrise, put on your teensiest swimwear and decide if these interiors are 100% your type on paper…
Where the magic happens… over and over again.
The Bedroom
Let’s get straight to the only room that matters – The Bedroom. It’s hard to judge this rationally, because it’s less of a bedroom, more of a hostel created only for hot people. The photo mural behind the beds looks like heart-shaped Cheerios swimming in a giant bowl of water. The yellow and blue colour scheme looks like a playroom (concerning considering what’s about to happen in here). The lighting is harsher than a dentist’s waiting room. But on the plus side: plenty of storage.
Not to be muggy, but this is the bedroom equivalent of a tuna melt: 4/10.
The Living Room, aka The Been-Pied-Off-So-Have-To-Sleep-On-The-Sofa Room
The Living Room
The colour scheme from the bedroom continues, but to slightly better effect. The blue rug still looks like something from a child’s Finding Nemo-themed playroom but from the sofa up it’s… not bad. What we definitely can get on board with is having pink neon signs on every wall.
Meh, but with bonus points for pink neon: 5/10.
Is it too late to add ‘outdoor kitchen’ to the PH’s renovation plans?
The Kitchen
At first glance, we thought the pink neon sign said ‘Eat, Sleep, Crack, Repeat’ which PH can’t condone as a daily routine. But that aside, this outdoor kitchen is all kinds of fun. The plant-filled shelves, the wooden decking and the prioritising of cocktail umbrellas over food are all to be celebrated.
Not sure how it’d fly in rainy Britain, but absolutely ideal for the villa of lurve: 8/10.
Shortly before the clouds of hairspray and Lynx fill the air.
The Bathroom
There’s a lot going for this bathroom. The darker marble looks fabulous and stain-proof (important where fake tan might be found). The raised/sunken bath is a practical way to a big soak. And let’s have a moment for the sheer amount of storage down the back wall.
We can’t really mock this, a practical, pretty solution to creating a bathroom for twelve people. We never thought we’d say it, but our only critique is it might be a little too safe: 7/10.
We’re catching feelings… for this stairway.
The Stairway
Yes. Yes to all of this. The ombre tonal shift from orange to hot pink. The giant neon love heart. The crafty mezzanine lighting. The ever-present frisson of fear that someone will fall down the stairs in their 6-inch heels. Yes.
100% our type on paper: 10/10.
The Love Island pool, where no swimming can ever, EVER occur.
The Pool
There’s just something about that pink/yellow/blue colour combo that makes our toes clench. But other than that, what’s not to like? Traditional square outhouses, bushy olive trees, dainty string lighting – oh, and a casual infinity pool.
Would not be mugging this garden view off: 9/10.
Maybe hide the camera above the bed when the in-laws are over.
The Hideaway
Sure, it looks a lot like a glamorous seventies porn set, but isn’t that kind of the point? This room has one purpose and it’s embracing it in every way. Once you get past the overall effect, the details are actually pretty classy. Pink and orange colour scheme (aka, the new pink and green)? Yes. Marble + brass furniture? Yes please. Rose gold metallic wall panels? Why the hell not…
Maybe it’s because we’ve drunk two too many cocktails, but we’re kind of not hating this. A surprising 8/10.
The Diary Room
This looks like a calming bird’s net hidden in a chic weathered beach hut.
Ready to curl up in a ball here and tell the world all our secrets: 8/10.
The Fire Pit
Where all the drama goes down. This is actually a pretty and practical bit of garden decking, perfect for hosting summer barbecues (where you eliminate your friends one-by-one until only the most #lovedup remain). Also a nicely subtle take on the plants on pink trend.
Plants + pink + giant white orb lights. It’s a yes from us: 9/10.
The Exit
You only really see this part of the villa when people are eliminated or going on a cheeky date with The One. And that’s a shame, ‘cause just look at that flower topiary.
Can someone come and plant this in the Pink House’s nearby alleyway? 10/10.
Have the cocktails gone to our heads? Let us know what you think of Love Island’s interiors this year in the comments. All photos are the property of ITV.
